Questions Listed Under Christian Living

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  • People often say they had to pick from the lesser of two evils. Given that we live in a sinful world, would you agree with this concept? Are we really in “no-win” situations sometimes? What does the Bible say?

    People by making sinful choices can get themselves into a situation in which they cannot avoid sin. I swear to do something wrong, so whether I keep my oath or break it, I am sinning. I sinned by promising to do something wrong and now am trapped, but I should not add one sin on top of the other. I should accept responsibility for my sin and not add to it sins that will hurt others.

  • I love my girlfriend very much. Though we are too young to get married, we both want to live together. We know that sex before marriage is wrong so we don't do it, but is living with her still a sin if we don't have sex?

    I am thankful that you are asking this important question before rather than after you and your girlfriend take action in this matter. I also hope that you take the time to speak with your pastor as well as your parents about this -- and that they are able and willing to give you kind and wise counsel. I am especially happy to hear that you love your girlfriend very much. If that is true, then what I say will hopefully make a lot of sense to you.

    You ask if it is wrong or sinful to live with your girlfriend if the two of you refrain from sexual activity. If you are able to resist the temptation to sin sexually (including lustful thoughts, talk, and any kind of physical sexual intimacy) then you would not be guilty of adultery or sexual immorality. However, you may very well be guilty of other things that you should think about very seriously. For example:

    • You would be putting each other into a situation where fierce temptations will come to you. It is not wise or loving to pray "Lead us not into temptation" and then lead each other into situations where temptations are inevitable.
    • You may be ruining your reputations and losing the respect of others. Normally, other people will simply assume that you are pretending to be husband and wife in the same home and having sex. I don't think we can blame them for thinking this; it's the normal conclusion people in our society and culture would reach. So they will assume you are not living godly lives or pleasing your Savior Jesus Christ -- and your reputations will suffer. If you really love each other, you should try to protect and build up each other's reputation.
    • If other Christians see you, they may be led to stumble spiritually, and you would be guilty of what is often called "causing offense" spiritually. You would be leading others, especially those weak in the Christian faith, to get the wrong idea about what is right and wrong, wise and foolish among Christians. If you "love your neighbor as yourself," you will not risk this.
    • You might well be doing damage to your relationships with your parents and other family members whose reputations, desires, and wishes for you will not include this.
    • You will also run the huge risk of not allowing your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to grow and mature at a slow and steady pace, which is so valuable. Cultivate your relationship without living together and then, if your relationship grows and matures, living together after marriage will make perfect sense and bring both of you a lot more joy for a much longer time.

    May God give you wisdom and strength as you discuss these and other things with people who know you more than I do -- like your parents and pastor.

  • I often hear people defend their decisions by saying, "I know God wants me to be happy." Does the Bible support such a claim?

    I guess a lot depends on what people mean by being "happy." God certainly does want to give us joy and happiness -- and when the Bible refers to people being "blessed" it refers to their being happy too (as in Psalm 1 or Matthew 5:2-12). And if people are thinking of happiness this way, with God's definitions and standards in mind, we would have no argument with what they are saying and doing.

    However, as you say so clearly, and as all of us have observed too many times, people usually mean they want to be "happy" by their own standards or the standards of non-Christian people in this world. God does not want us to be happy in that way, and it is wrong to try to defend bad or wicked decisions by saying these self-centered decisions would be acceptable to God because they would bring us happiness. Happiness that comes from sources contrary to God's will and revealed word are short-lived and ultimately lead to eternal unhappiness. Go back to Psalm 1 and read there how the ungodly will perish rather than be blessed or happy.

  • How does a congregation show love to a repentant sinner?

    It is a joy to hear of your intentions in this area of congregational life.

    The specific circumstances and personalities involved on the local congregational level might change the priorities and particular ways of providing love and the assurance of forgiveness to a repentant brother or sister, but the basics will remain.

    We show love and communicate forgiveness by both words and actions, with body language included in both. Keep the miracle of divine love and forgiveness for us sinners central and repeatedly affirm that our showing love and forgiveness is a reflection of divine love that comes first and means the most. Rejoice that God has brought this about and share your joy. The more we keep the primary focus on God's love and pardon, the less room we leave for human disappointments and bruised feelings that are often part of the whole picture in such cases.

    Do not allow any words or actions to send a mixed message like, "You are fully forgiven, but . . ." and then proceed to give or imply conditions that are attached to the forgiveness. Love unconditionally as you are loved by God. In some cases it might even be important to go out of our way to impress on the repentant person how serious, how unconditional, and how terrifically wonderful all of this is. Feelings of guilt or sadness due to prior forfeited opportunities may linger long after God has put the guilt away and rendered it a dead issue.

    Make use of other brothers and sisters who are knowledgeable with the situation and the person in question. Think of expressing the truth in ways that will most impress the repentant one with the love of God and God's people. Recall the tender but wise love that St. Paul sought from the Corinthian congregation in this kind of situation (see 2 Corinthians 2:5-11). It is worthwhile to apply the truth of the unconditional gospel with clarity, compassion, and with an understanding that Satan seeks to enter the picture with wicked motives.

  • How much offering should I be giving? Is this based on income and if so is there a formula? I want to be giving plenty but can you give too much or too little?

    When you submitted your question you indicated that you desire to give generously in your offering of money to the Lord. This brings me joy. It is not surprising that you ask if there is a formula or some kind of helpful guideline provided in the Bible to indicate specifically how much we should give. I have also asked the question, and I imagine millions of believers before us have done the same.

    Short answer: No, the Bible does not provide a specific formula or anything that comes close to determining a dollar amount that God's people are to give for the sake of gospel work and related efforts of believers to serve souls within and beyond the church. The Bible has many passages and sections that make it crystal clear that giving offerings is what God desires of us and what believers desire to do to God's glory and the welfare of many others. And the strong majority of passages that offer what might be called instructions or guidelines in giving deal mostly with attitudes, nor amounts. A good example of this is 2 Corinthians 9:7, "Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

    The guidance given in 1 Corinthians 16:1-2 tells us that our offerings are "based on income" and suggest some kind of percentage approach: "Now about the collection for the Lord’s people: Do what I told the Galatian churches to do. On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with your income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made." There was obviously a correlation being made between the "sum of money" given and a person's "income" -- whether that be from wages, savings, interest, inheritance, or whatever. That's perhaps the closest thing to a "formula" we are given in the New Testament.

    Discussions of the Old Testament tithing regulations often surface in this kind of conversation. The covenant regulations of the Sinai (or Mosaic) covenant that governed Israel prior to the arrival of Christ called for what appears to have been a series of tithes (10%) from the people. When all tithing passages are set side by side, many scholars conclude that each obedient Israelite family gave an average of 23.3% of income (including produce and animals) per year. It should also be noted that this did more than support the priesthood and tabernacle or temple worship; it also went to provide for many social and political functions that we today support through taxes to governing authorities beyond our religious freewill offerings. And there is no hint or suggestion that such an approach to giving is part of God's will for believers now. Today the amount or percentages are fully in the matter of Christian freedom.

    Where does this leave us? Some voluntarily make use of the tithe (one of them, not several) or 10% as a guideline or starting point for determining their offerings. This is orderly, reflects one's income, and in the opinion of many is generous. And generosity is clearly to be part of our approach: "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give . . . (2 Corinthians 9:6-7). Other than that, retaining the emphasis on our attitude and keeping our focus on God's giving to us and for our spiritual and physical well-being will likely move us to find joy and comfort in giving generously and cheerfully. Does this offering accurately reflect my love for my Lord and my desire to help my neighbor and share the gospel here and elsewhere? Does this amount or percentage reflect my commitment to my Lord who loved me first and my commitment to show love for the bodies and souls of others in this world? Those regularly asked questions will hopefully yield rich dividends of joy and contentment along with offerings of integrity coupled with generosity.

    It has been well said that our giving of money is not so much God's way of raising money but his tool to raise maturing children. May we always be counted among them!

  • In light of the Obama administration's rule for religious entities to provide contraception through their insurance, what does the Bible say about personal use of contraception in general? Is it even proper for married couples to use contraception?

    In the 1968, Volume 65 issue of the Wisconsin Lutheran Quarterly, in an article entitled, "Birth Control as Ethical and Pastoral Problem" the author, Hans Kirsten, writes: "According to the reformers, then, sex is something of positive value, given to man to be enjoyed within the prescribed limits, that is, within marriage and in obedience to God's command. It is to be received in the sense of Paul's word to Timothy: 'Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry, "(For) every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving"' (1 Timothy 4:1-5).

    "With this view, then, also birth control will be seen in a different light, namely, as a responsible manner of meeting the problem of the limits to be set on marital relations. Methods, too, of forestalling conception like the "rhythm method" will not be seen as violations of the essence of marriage or as mere concessions to human weakness."

    Kirsten also referenced a valid cause for using some form of birth control, that is, in consideration of a woman's frailty. He was acknowledging that the life of the mother and/or the child would be in peril with additional pregnancies.

    Kirsten's presentation on birth control is essentially reflected in the Christian Life Resources booklet entitled, "The Christian and Birth Control" (1999) where, in chapter 1, it is written: "What is important to remember is that children, regardless of timing, health or convenience, have the simple title of being blessings from God. Decisions rooted in an attitude that children are anything less than a blessing from God reflect a motive that doesn't understand God's will on the matter."

    You can learn more about a Christian outlook on birth control by visiting the website of Christian Life Resources at www.christianliferesources.com and searching for "birth control."

  • Is staying the night at a boyfriend's/girlfriend's house without having sexual intercourse or any type of immoral actions still wrong?

    I understand your question to be this one: "Is it always sinful to stay overnight with someone of the opposite sex whom you are dating?" And the answer is, "No, it is not always sinful." Circumstances, motives, and the people themselves need to be considered before saying such a living arrangement is to be judged right or wrong—or wise or foolish.

    Theologically we would classify such a living relationship as an "adiaphoron," something God has neither commanded nor forbidden. Such a thing lies in the realm of Christian freedom. And that is precisely why you need to give very careful thought to what you choose to do with your freedom. If such an arrangement constitutes a temptation to sin (for anyone), it becomes unloving and sinful. If it gives others the wrong impression or causes others to stumble spiritually or unnecessarily jeopardizes the reputation of a Christian, it is unwise, imprudent, and ultimately unloving and sinful too. The summary statements used by the apostle in 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 remain important considerations regarding the use of Christian freedom.

    Evangelical pastoral practice in counseling requires knowing the people and circumstances much more than I do. Speak with your parents and those of your friend. Speak with your pastor and other trustworthy friends and acquaintances who know you and will speak lovingly and frankly as people who know the circumstances.

  • Is it wrong for a woman to be a carrier for someone else's child providing their motives are not financial, but out of Christian love?

     

    Christian love begins first with loving God and then loving others (Matthew 22:36-40). As such, a decision to participate in a surrogate parenting role involves both a concern for what pleases God as well as for what serves others.

    A surrogate mother carries the developing embryo created from the sperm and egg of another couple. Sometimes that other couple is indeed a "couple," and sometimes they do not know each other, and the surrogate is simply carrying a child so that one person or a non-participating couple or a same-sex couple can have a child.

    As one considers both love for God and love for others, the following considerations are important:

    First, Scripture is silent on the specific practice of surrogate parenting. The closest reference is the account of Mary becoming pregnant by the Holy Spirit and bearing Jesus. In that case, however, Mary is the biological mother of the Savior.

    Second, and most problematic, is the process that enables surrogate parenting. Surrogate parenting relies on in-vitro fertilization (IVF), a process that mixes egg and sperm in a Petri dish, allows the embryo to develop, and then implants it in the womb of a woman. IVF has become common yet it remains a very dangerous procedure for human life in the embryonic stage. According to the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/art) the chances of a live birth from an IVF procedure are as follows:

    • 30% to 35% for women under age 35
    • 25% for women ages 35 to 37
    • 15% to 20% for women ages 38 to 40
    • 6% to 10% for women ages over 40

    A lot of human beings in the earliest stages of life die in these IVF attempts. Note that these numbers do not include the embryos lost to cryo-preservation or that were destroyed for looking less-than-ideal for transfer into the womb.

    The ideal procedure would be the ability to take sperm and a single egg, fertilize them, and as that young life matures to the appropriate level, implant it in the womb where it continues to grow normally to birth. Unfortunately, according to statistics, that is not how it usually goes.

    Third, there is concern over how to view a surrogate in regard to the one-flesh relationship prescribed by God. Clearly Scripture teaches in Genesis 1 and 2 that procreation was to occur from the joining of one man and one woman. Bringing in a third party casts into question that relationship.

    There is the less-controversial role that loving women can play in volunteering to carry a pregnancy for a cryo-preserved unborn child that otherwise faces termination. This process is often called Snowflake adoption.

    While Snowflake adoption still involves some of the hazards of the IVF process, it is the only alternative available to the destruction of young lives in their embryonic stage. For more information on Snowflake adoptions visit the website of Christian Life Resources at www.ChristianLifeResources.com and search for "snowflake."

     

  • My husband and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum where Santa Claus is concerned. I want to allow our children to believe in Santa. My husband does not.

    He sees this tradition as a lie and says we are knowingly deceiving our children.

    I view it as another part of the fun and magic of the Christmas season. I am confident that we can instill the knowledge of the true meaning of Christmas in our children, and not allow Santa to take away from celebrating the birth of Jesus.

    Is there a WELS position on the tradition of Santa Claus Is it considered adiaphora, or a sin (lie) to allow our children to believe in the existence of this fictional character?

    In some ways the custom of Santa Claus is similar to that of the Tooth Fairy. Both can be childhood games that we play with our children. It is true that Santa Claus could interfere with the spiritual life of children, if parents allow it. If they teach their children to be good in order to receive gifts at Christmas, it can give the impression that they should be good for the wrong reason.

    This is not to say that it is a sin to speak of Santa Claus during the Christmas season. Yet it does point out how this custom could confuse children and blind them to the scriptural message of Christmas, especially if parents are not careful in how they present it.

    You ask about how to include both Santa Claus and Christ into Christmas. Perhaps one way to incorporate both in the Christmas season yet separate Santa Claus from Christmas is to associate Santa Claus with Saint Nicholas Day, December 6th. In some cultures it is customary to hang up stockings and fill them with small gifts the night before. This would help to separate Santa Claus from Christmas Day and yet still allow some of the traditional elements of a jolly old man in a red suit to be incorporated into the Christmas season in a simple and low-key manner. That way Christmas Day can be reserved for what it is, the celebration of the Savior's birth. I know of a family that used this approach. Perhaps it is something that would work in your family.

  • I have struggled with an eating disorder, depression and self-injury for many years. I feel guilty when I act on my eating disorder and self-injury urges because I know that God does not want me to harm my body since it is a temple of the Holy Spirit, but are these behaviors really sins since they are born from mental illnesses? If they are sins, can I truly repent of them if I know that I will engage in the same behaviors again? And if they are sins and I can't truly repent of them if I know I will do them again, can I truly be forgiven?

    Many people who are afflicted with addictions and mental health issues struggle with the same spiritual struggle that you describe going on within yourself. The key question is the one that you ask, "Am I really forgiven in view of all the ‘ifs’ connected with my affliction? This cross is so great because I can’t seem to find any comfort as I struggle with it.”

    But the fact that you are not alone in this struggle is of little comfort because it is your personal anxiety and doubts about this issue with which you are wrestling. How do you find comfort?

    In general, I would suggest that you think about your affliction as both sin and disease. Let me explain that in much more detail. You have a body. You have a soul. You have an emotional make-up that is a part of your mind. One really cannot be separated from the other. If you separate your soul from your body – we call that death. You cannot exist without both a mind and body and a soul. There is a physical part of you, a spiritual part of you, and a rational and emotional part of you.

    You live in a culture and in a society that has labeled what you have as a mental illness – a disease. Yet it is a mental disease that impacts your body and your soul. You have an eating disorder which is dangerous to your body, and you injure yourself in some way, hurting your body. As a child of God you feel guilty about hurting yourself in both ways. God says to us: I Corinthians 6:19-20, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

    I pray that you will examine the words of the above passage carefully. We all understand the Law part of that statement – “…your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit…” (coupled with) …. “Therefore honor God with your body.” But it is important for us to understand the reason why we are temples of the Holy Spirit. “…the Holy Spirit…whom you have received from God…You are not your own. You were bought at a price.” You are the temple of the Holy Spirit because of God’s grace and mercy that bought you with the price of the blood of Jesus Christ and made you a child of God by the power of the Holy Spirit through the Gospel in Word and Sacraments. II Corinthians 5:19, “God was reconciling the world unto himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.” You are not an exception. You are a part of the world for whom Christ died. God chose to make you his child. You are a blood-bought child of your God who loves you. Galatians 3:26-27, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.” “You are not your own. You were bought at a price.” This is God’s love for you.

    It is important for us to remember that God defines what is sinful and what is not sinful. Since it bothers your conscience and makes you feel guilty before God when you fall into practicing your eating disorder or hurting your body, this is something you can take before the throne of God’s grace in prayer and ask him for forgiveness. As you rejoice in God’s forgiveness, you are strengthened by the Gospel of Christ. Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” You can strive all the more with God’s strength in you to “honor God with your body.”

    What defines you as a person is who you are. You are a child of God. You have different roles in life. For example, perhaps you are a son or a daughter, student or teacher, employee or employer. Things may go wrong in one or two or all of those roles. But those wrong things that happen in this sinful world and in the roles that you have do not change who you are. You are God’s child. That fact that you are God’s child is the result of God’s gracious work within you. “You are bought at a price.”

    In Romans, chapter 7, St. Paul wrestled with his sin. He says that he continues to do the sin that he does not want to do. He even says, vs. 24, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” This sort of sounds like you, doesn’t it? But then he adds, vs. 25, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.” He sums up his situation with the words, vs. 25, “So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” That is the way you describe yourself. You want to do what is right and yet, your affliction keeps getting you to do what is wrong. Continue reading Romans chapter 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” You are God’s child. Christ Jesus is your eternal Savior. Be assured that there is nothing in all creation that can separate you from God’s love (Romans 8:31-39).

    Let the love of God in Christ give you the assurance of your forgiveness. It is not the fact that you enumerate your sins or that you can guarantee that you will never commit that sin again that gives you the assurance of your forgiveness. Paul would have never had the assurance of his forgiveness based upon his never sinning a certain way again. He knew the reality of his sinful condition. So do you know the reality of your sinful condition. It is God’s gracious love for you that assures you of his forgiveness. Trust in his love and strength for your confidence in his forgiveness.

    Confident and rejoicing in that forgiveness, seek help from mental health professionals and physicians for your disease. There is much good evidence-based therapy to help you. Be strong in your Lord who loves you as his child! May he give you peace and help!

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